Cultivating strong communication skills takes practice, time, and humility. Word choice is important, but not nearly as influential as body language and tone. The goal of communication is to transmit an idea, not impress someone with your power or intelligence.

Be clear.

Don’t over think it. Define your message with clear, concise, and powerful language. Avoid fancy vocabulary, run-on sentences, or irrelevant tangents. Stay on topic, and reiterate key points to ensure comprehension. Be honest and candid with your audience. People respect authenticity.

Listen.

There’s a time to speak, and there’s a time to listen. Think about how much you wanted the other person to hear your message, and realize that we all feel that way. Devote your complete, undivided attention to whenever someone speaks to you. Don’t fiddle with your phone or glance at the stack of papers on your desk. Keep nonthreatening eye contact and nod when appropriate.

Be flexible.

Sometimes conversations will not go the way you planned, and that’s okay. Keep calm and demonstrate that you are adaptable. Have an open mind and be willing to consider new ideas as they arise, even if they contradict your preferred method of operation.

Focus on the audience, not yourself.

The most effective leaders and communicators (imagine Bill Clinton) make their audience feel respected and valued. Be present and engaged. An extra benefit to focusing your efforts externally, on others rather than yourself, is that it can help calm your nerves.

Seek and ask for feedback.

Does your audience seem to be understanding your message? Are you making your point? Do they have positive, receptive body language? Watch for small signs like crossed arms, knitted brows, darting eyes, and quiet sighs. If you’re not sure your message is coming across, ask. Accept feedback gracefully.

Be honest with yourself.

Don’t be afraid of the truth. If someone offers you feedback you disagree with, ask yourself why. Is it bad feedback, or does it challenge your self-worth and identity? Understand your triggers. Once you learn to pay attention and be receptive to life’s small messages of feedback, you can effectively alter your communication style.

Good communication is the key to any successful relationship, personal or professional. It requires that we check our ego at the door. When we connect and engage with people, it sets the stage for constructive communication and the sharing of ideas.

John Bradley Jackson
© Copyright 2013
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Prepare.

• Practice having the conversation with someone else or in front of the mirror.  Get feedback on tone and body language.
• Ask for advice from a trusted source.
• Don’t ignore the problem or hope it magically disappears.
• Resist the urge to gossip or complain about the situation.

Understand your own emotions.

• Admit your contribution to the problem, however small.  It’s rarely one person’s fault entirely.
• Be honest about your emotions and intentions.  Take the time to sort through them.
• Acknowledge any “triggers” you have: is this a personality clash or something more?
• Take a break from the conversation for a few minutes, if necessary.

Help the other person feel heard and respected.

• Be curious and keep an open mind.
• Find out as much as possible about the situation from the other person’s perspective.  Is there some sort of misunderstanding or miscommunication?
• Validate the other person’s emotions
• Paraphrase what they’ve said to convey you’re listening and ask them if you’ve got it right.  Don’t make assumptions.
• Use sensitive language and a respectful tone of voice.  If you are angry or aggressive, the other person will become defensive and dig their heels in.
• Don’t interrupt or dismiss the other person’s concerns.

Focus on solutions and problem-solving.

• Identify the reason for the disconnect.  What’s the real issue here?
• Ask for input and feedback about possible solutions.
• Be willing to compromise, but know how far you are willing to go.
• If necessary, ask for help from a supervisor or mediator.

Ultimately, you can’t control the perceptions or reactions of others.  The only thing we can do is control ourselves and model the kind of behavior we wish to see in others.  Rather than fighting or suppressing our emotions, it’s important to work through them so we can better regulate ourselves.  The ability to – consistently – remain calm, compassionate, and assertive during a difficult conversation is an invaluable tool.

John Bradley Jackson
© Copyright 2013
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Hofstra University researchers expanded the research to show how gratitude brings many benefits to children and adolescents.  Grateful kids are overall more satisfied with their friends and family, set higher goals, get higher grades, are less materialistic, and report less physical ailments.

Here are some tips and reminders about practicing gratitude:

• Think about all the wonderful things in your life, including the small pleasures.
• It may feel strange or stilted at first, but don’t worry.  It’s about practice and repetition, to train your brain to make these positive connections.
• Start a gratitude journal, make a list, or simply go over everything you are grateful for in your head.
• Ritualize it by picking a time of day to practice gratitude, such as the few minutes right before you fall asleep or get out of bed in the morning.
• Share with others that you are trying to be a more grateful person; enlist their support and encouragement when you are feeling ungrateful.
• Verbally express gratitude out loud to yourself and to others, especially if what you are grateful for has to do with that person.
• Acknowledge that there will be some days that you forget or don’t have the heart to practice gratitude.  Whenever possible, try anyway.

Already think you practice gratitude on a daily basis?  Up your game with the idea of gratitude through mental subtraction.  This sounds complex, but it’s quite simple.  In an article in Psychology Today, Dr. Christopher Peterson writes about a 2009 study that shows that thinking about the absence about good things in our lives can be even more powerful.  Humans have a tendency to adapt to our surroundings, whatever they are, and take them for granted.  Rather than simply thinking about all the wonderful things in your life, imagine what your life would be without them.  Consider things you wouldn’t notice until it’s gone, like air conditioning or your health.

Becoming a more grateful person takes intentional behavior and conscious effort.  Retraining your brain to think positively takes sustained effort over time.

John Bradley Jackson
© Copyright 2013
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Millennials are leaders when it comes to fresh ideas.  They are innovative and well-versed in technology.  They demand more flexible hours than their predecessors, and want promotions based on success, not seniority.  They prefer the dress code to be casual, and are generally more liberal-minded than their more seasoned counterparts.

A Pew Research study from 2010 showed that Baby Boomers cited “work ethic, respectfulness, and morals” as their defining qualities, while millennials chose “technology, music and pop culture, and liberal leanings.”

Some firms are trying out a “results-only work environment” (sometimes called “ROWE”) where hours are flexible so long as workers are generating results.

Millennials sometimes clash with older workers, usually members of the Baby Boom generation.  Millennials were taught growing up to be expressive and confident, and this can come across as acting entitled and spoiled, especially when working with members from older generations.  Kwoh from the Wall Street Journal says that when companies try to accommodate millennials’ demand for faster promotions and more responsibility, this comes “much to the annoyance of older coworkers who feel they have spent years paying their dues to rise through the ranks.”  The groups can learn to work together, but it takes patience from both sides.

Ty Kiisel at Forbes says, “The challenge for business leaders today is harnessing the talent and drive of the younger workforce.”  According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, millennials will make up more than 40% of the national workforce by 2020.  This is why so many companies are scrambling to accommodate the young talent: they are (literally) the future.

Millennials will eventually phase out the baby boomers in the workplace, so it’s a losing battle to insist on workplace practices from the old days.  Millennial philosophies aren’t just on their way; they’re here.  Frankly, the American workplace could use a change.  Americans are working longer hours, while wages have flat-lined and benefits have been cut.  Casual attire and flexible hours might take the edge off.  Maybe the millennials are on to something.  They certainly think so.

John Bradley Jackson
© Copyright 2013
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For many companies, social media is owned by various departments with little regulation or coordination. Others prefer a single point of contact. Let’s examine the options.

1. Wildcatting – In this approach, no single department or individual is responsible for social media. This “just do it” attitude could be error prone but is fleet of foot.
2. Centralized – This headquarters design designates a single individual or department to direct and implement all social activities. Arguably, this lends itself to a command and control culture with strict policies. An obvious benefit is brand consistency.
3. Committee – Here a blended organization manages and implements social media. A centralized team (such as representatives from marketing, IT, and product management) helps direct various other departments.

Whichever route is taken it is advisable to have a social media plan. This way the firm’s employees will have a clear idea about what is approved behavior and what isn’t on a social media site. These rules should not be so stringent as to prevent or truncate communication between a company’s employees and their customers, instead it should be a set of guidelines about how to deal with different situations and about how to promote the company’s brand.

John Bradley Jackson
© Copyright 2013
All rights reserved

The amount of data currently available is truly astonishing.  Forbes online cites a report from McKinsey & Co that says by 2009, large companies had 200 terabytes of stored data about customers.  Forbes.com says, “To put such a huge number in perspective, consider that just 10 terabytes can hold the entire printed collection of the Library of Congress.”

Patrick Spenner and Anna Bird of the Harvard Business Review write about while marketers are under increasing pressure to rely on data, most still rely too heavily on their intuition.  Marketers rely on their gut when making decisions about marketing strategy, rather than using available data, because it’s easier and most don’t have a firm grasp on even the basics of statistics.

Without a solid background in statistics, understanding how to manage and interpret even relatively small amounts of information can be a Herculean task.  Most marketers prefer to skip the math lesson and rely on their instincts instead, which can yield mixed results.

The Harvard Business Review also reports that while there are a number of marketers who do spend their days wading through the data, they often can’t see the forest for the trees.  They get distracted by the slightest change, and change strategies too quickly.   Managers can help their marketers by defining clear goals about data and coaching them to be aware of data interpretation errors.

The data explosion has just begun.  The companies that can figure out how to effectively store, sort through, and analyze massive amounts of consumer data will have a leg up as the 21^st century marches on.

John Bradley Jackson
© Copyright 2012
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In a recent op-ed piece in the New York Times, Bill Keller writes that Baby Boomers (born between 1946 and 1964) have been attacked by the media in years past for being selfish and entitled.  A Boomer himself, Keller says that this reputation for being greedy and spoiled is not a new one, and Baby Boomers have been criticized for years.

In a 2000 article by Paul Begala, cited by Keller, Baby Boomers are called “the most self-centered, self-seeking, self-interested, self-absorbed, self-indulgent, self-aggrandizing generation in American history.” Boomers are 75 million strong with enormous consumer spending power and a great deal of influence.

The argument goes that while a large number of Baby Boomers championed social causes during the 60s, once the threat of the Vietnam War had passed, most Boomers placidly settled down to adult life.  In an article by Kurt Andersen, he writes that the extreme individualism fought for during the 60s has really turned into the right to be selfish.  “‘Do your own thing’”, he writes, “Is not so different than every man for his or her self.”

As young adults Boomers set out to change the world and many worked for peace, a more honest and transparent government, environmental change, less harsh judgment and fundamentalism, more open-mindedness. Did they achieve any of that? Maybe a bit.

It seems that since the 1960s, looking out for “number one” has been a national pastime.  Business leaders rationalize outsourcing jobs because it can increase profits.  Investment and personal savings have gone down, and many will argue that the nation’s current entitlement spending is not sustainable in the long run.  Since the 1970s, income inequality in the United States has increased.  Our country currently has the highest level of income inequality among the most developed countries.  All this happened while the boomers were in charge.

As for the legacy of Boomers, they may be remembered for having fought in the Vietnam War and also protesting it. They supported many worthy social causes, such as the civil rights movement, women’s rights and ecological awareness.  Oh yes, they also embraced sex, drugs, and rock & roll. Despite high divorce rates, they became involved, attentive parents and grandparents.  They will also be remembered as embracing in an era of consumerism and self-indulgence. Some may argue that Boomers did little out of the ordinary.

Party on boomers.

John Bradley Jackson
© Copyright 2012
All rights reserved

P.S. Check this article for more debate on the legacy of Baby Boomers.

Extroverts dominate society.  The adjectives to describe an extrovert are decidedly more positive than those used to describe an introvert.  We usually describe an extrovert as “outgoing”, “sociable,” or “a people person.”  (By comparison, you might describe an introvert as “distant” or “reserved.”)  Even though being an extrovert is more socially acceptable than being an introvert, there are some common techniques to maximize your effectiveness when dealing with an extrovert.

If you find yourself dealing with an extrovert (especially if you are more introverted yourself), then you may find these do’s and don’ts helpful:

D0

• Let them process their thoughts externally, usually through talking and narrating their opinions and emotions.
• Use small talk to loosen them up.
• Remember personal details to make them feel valued.
• Make an effort to listen and interact rather than simply letting them talk.
• Show that you are engaged and interested in the conversation.
• Let them have time to socialize with others before turning their attention to more serious matters.

Don’t:

• Assume extroverts aren’t deep or intelligent just because they enjoy casual conversation.
• Write them off as shallow, chatty, overbearing, flirty, or aggressive.
• Nag them about too much socializing.
• Appear apathetic or indifferent to their chosen topic of conversation (even if you are).
• Assume they just want to hear themselves talk.  Make sure you really listen!

Homework Assignment: How do you handle those with extroverted personalities?  What strategies have you found to be effective (or ineffective)?

John Bradley Jackson
© Copyright 2012
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The majority of people are extroverts, and extroverts can have a difficult time understanding why introverts act they way they do.  Introverts recharge their batteries by being alone.  Being with people is something that introverts find tiring after a while, and this is something that extroverts often take personally.

You probably know quite a few introverts.  They can be relatives, friends, neighbors, co-workers, or even your boss.  Whether you’re negotiating a price on a car or sitting in a job interview, it’s important to know how to deal with an introvert so you are a more effective communicator.  At face value, it may feel disingenuous to treat people differently based on their personality type, but by dealing with introverts (and extroverts) in ways that make them feel comfortable, you get the results you want while making everyone feel valued.

Here are some do’s and don’ts when it comes to dealing with introverts:

DO:

-        Allow introverts time to collect their thoughts and if possible, be alone for a while.

-        Interact one-on-one or in small groups.

-        Listen when they speak, because they choose their words carefully.

-        Maintain a calm, sane environment and minimize distractions.

-        Keep small talk short and sweet, and then get to the point.

-        Allow for silence or natural gaps in conversation.  Introverts like to take the time to process their thoughts internally.

DON’T:

-        Write off introverts as aloof, withdrawn, arrogant, or insecure.

-        Assume introverts needs extra attention and redouble your efforts to bring them out of their “shell”.  This will likely make them feel uncomfortable.

-        Overcompensate by dominating the conversation if they don’t seem to want to talk a great deal.

-        Don’t interrupt.  Introverts can find this rude or abrasive.

Do you have an introvert in your life?  What techniques have you found effective in handling people with more introverted personalities?

John Bradley Jackson
© Copyright 2012
All rights reserved

Older people often have had spouses and friends die or move away.  Illness, disability, loss of mobility, lack of reliable transportation, and financial issues can contribute to seniors being alone.  And it’s not just the elderly that suffer.  Some people feel lonely due to geographical isolation.  If someone relocates to another country for a job, for example, they usually don’t bring their family and friends along.  Bullied children, or anyone who doesn’t fit in with the dominant society where they live, can experience social isolation which results in painful loneliness.

Even the most introverted among us need to feel connected to others.  It is at the core of what makes us human.  When we feel connected to others, we are more confident, happier, and productive members of society.

Without that critical social connection, many suffer from health problems.  According to research summarized in the Huffington Post UK, loneliness can shorten your lifespan and increase your risk of death from heart disease.  Lonely people can easily become depressed or feel anxious.

How can we combat loneliness in ourselves and in others?  It may be simpler than you realize.  Getting a pet can immediately lower your risk of depression and instantly provide a companion.  Volunteer.  Join a club.  Call up old friends.  Make new friends.

The internet is also a great tool to increase connection with others.  While the internet causes some people to isolate themselves further from society, it can help many people overcome debilitating loneliness.  Finding an online community of like-minded people can be incredibly empowering, especially if you are currently living someplace where you don’t identify with the dominant values or lifestyle.  It has never been easier to stay in contact with friends and family with the ubiquity of web-based tools like video chat and email.

If you currently feel happy and connected to others, that’s wonderful.  You are in a great position to reach out to those who are not so fortunate.  Do what you can to connect with others, especially the elderly.  Volunteer at an old folks’ home, your local veterans’ hospital, or a nonprofit that delivers meals to the elderly.  Call that crotchety, estranged relative, even if you don’t like them very much.  Stay in touch, take the time to visit old friends and relatives, and be kind to strangers – it’s good for their health and yours.

Finally, helping people deal with loneliness is a mega-marketing opportunity for the new millennium. Study after study confirms that relationships are a key ingredient for lasting happiness. Focus your new energy on creating products and services that reduce loneliness, build relationships, and help others to be happy. The rewards will be both philanthropic and monetary.

John Bradley Jackson
© Copyright 2012
All rights reserved